Dog chews...for dogs (24/5/2006)

I suppose it was inevitable that I’d one day wind up in that most elegant of English seaside resorts so, when the call came, I couldn’t ignore it. The time had come to break open the piggy bank, and damn the consequences

On a wet and windy Wednesday night, with all my worldly goods slung over my shoulder, I bade farewell to my home and family and didn’t look back (and, after buying a mask in Keele services in the middle of the night, I didn’t look forwards or sideways, either). Some 14 hours and 470 miles later, my feet made contact with solid ground. I couldn’t help thinking “you call this a coach station?” (They do, apparently).

It’s not all bad, though. Public transport is really quite modern and comfortable

Anyway, I’d travelled a long distance and I was tired and hungry. For a while, I couldn’t find anything edible

Eventually, I chanced upon a fellow weary traveller

and we had luncheon in one of the area’s finest establishments

We soon realised that we weren’t the only strangers in town

so decided to split up for a while to gather our thoughts and catch up on some rest.

Of course, once you get settled into your accommodation, you’re free to explore your surroundings. After a while, it’s evident that the pace of life is much slower here

though it appears that things may be a bit more racy over on the cool side of town

Mind you, not everywhere in Kemptown is cool. Don’t sit for too long in the beer garden of one of the local hostelries or you’re liable to be cooked at gas mark 5. It’s safer to sit in the pub, proper, and sample some of the local cuisine, which has been labelled to avoid confusion and to comply with European legislation

I do like to be beside the seaside and, after being thrashed at crazy golf, what better past-time can there be than a walk to the end of the pier?

It wisnae me, I never touched it, honest!

This one was made of sterner stuff

which is just as well. Turner would have loved this.

  

You never know whom you might meet. Cutbacks at MTV meant that this up-and-coming beat combo had to interview each other.

Mind you, the pressures of fame can be too much for some. “You’re a celebrity, get me out of here”.

  

So much to do, so little time

But was it worth it? No, it bloody well wasn’t! I missed THIS:

Soon it was Sunday morning. After breakfast, I thought I’d have a last walk round, a few moments of quiet contemplation before engaging with reality once more, but it wasn’t to be. The wind was howling, the rain was lashing and, to cap it all, I walked right into a Mini adventure.

Wet and miserable, I headed back to London, unsure of the course of the next few hours, but I needn’t have worried. Nothing could have been crazier than that weekend…or could it?

  

Before I knew it, it was time to get on the Megabus again for the return journey.

No wonder it’s only £1.